My Value - Part 2

Today was another tough day but tonight I'm feeling so much better.  I did have a couple of real cigarettes today, but less than yesterday.  Honestly, it's helping a lot to post every night about how I'm doing.  It encourages me to keep going.  And the emails of encouragement mean so much.  I definitely don't feel alone in this journey.

Personal Value - Part 2.  Growing up I learned that my value was determined by what I did or what I believed (which was another form of doing) versus who I was.  I was taught this not because my parents were bad people.  My parents believed their own value came from what they did.  Who they were was not celebrated and they always seemed to be working towards being thought of as valuable.  Once this belief is learned and embraced, it's very hard to undo. 

Several years ago, I read several books that suggested differently.  Then I found an amazing counselor that started teaching me differently.  Finally, I began listening to people around me who loved me and saw value in me - not for what I did for them but just by being who I was.  What an amazing gift!  I had to choose though to believe it - and that part I'm still working on. 

What I began to learn and believe to be true is this.  That God created each person with intrinsic value.  Intrinsic (such a great word) according to wikipedia means:  "property which is essential and specific...is wholly independent of any other object, action or consequence".  I believe that God creates each human being in His image.  How valuable is that?  I suppose it depends on how you view God to answer that question.  And that is an entirely too big of a topic for this blog post. 

Back on topic, what does that mean to me?  One thing of intrinsic value that He created in me, that makes me valuable is that I feel things deeply - love, joy, sorrow, grief.  I experience life deeply.  In the past, I often saw this as a curse.  But now, I see it as a gift.  I love going deep - deep in relationships, deep in analyzing some computer problem, deep in good book.  The saying "It's not personal, it's business" does not apply to me.  It's all personal.  I invest who I am in what I do. 

It's pretty hard to come up with a list of things that are intrinsic to who you are "wholly independent of any action".  Knowing who I am apart from what I do; I want to spend more time being and not doing. I'm finding rest for my soul in the "being."