I'm feeling really good. This week has been a real test in self-denial and self-control - two things I haven't practiced a whole lot. The biggest miracle - I have had no bread/gluten or coffee for a week. I had a headache for five of the last seven days. I was super tired the first three days. All of this goes to show how much my body really needed this cleanse.
In week where my emotions are usually in the dumps, I felt so positive; happy even. It's too soon to tell, but it does really appear that changing how I eat is going to help my emotions stabilize. Hallelujah!!
I have another week to go before my nephew comes to stay for a week. While I can't continue the cleanse while he's here, I'm already thinking of ways to not go off it completely. I am determined to start a new way of eating - not just view it as a temporary glitch.
Thank you for all your encouragement, positive thoughts and prayers. I felt them all and they mean so much to me!
The next post won't be about food.... at least not all of it.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Cleanse
The last 10 days have been great. I am encouraged by all the letters, emails and phone calls.
Today I cleaned out my kitchen. A couple of weeks ago, I learned I have food allergies that contribute to my health issues. These food allergies are ones that compromise the immune system and (for me) cause an upset stomach after almost every meal. My doctor has recommended an elimination diet, of which the first three weeks are a cleanse. My highest food allergies are gluten, dairy and eggs. Those of you who know my eating habits know that I live on bread and cheese. While the allergies were not a complete surprise, the extent of them was. As my friend Tina says - now I know and it's my choice whether I eat those things or not.
7 shopping bags of food stuffs sits in my living room to be given to neighbors and friends. It felt good to simplify my kitchen. And as I put away the new groceries I bought, I realized I was looking forward to simplifying the way I eat (at least for awhile).
The cleanse portion of the elimination diet starts tomorrow. While I can't say I'm looking forward to all aspects of a cleanse, I do love the idea that I can be cleansing out the toxins in my body. Taking care of myself in a very basic way. I've been promised I will feel the best I've ever felt. I wonder how it will affect my hormone imbalance? Less of them I hope!
One day at a time. One choice at a time. One change at a time. I was listening to the radio the other day and heard this song:
Today I cleaned out my kitchen. A couple of weeks ago, I learned I have food allergies that contribute to my health issues. These food allergies are ones that compromise the immune system and (for me) cause an upset stomach after almost every meal. My doctor has recommended an elimination diet, of which the first three weeks are a cleanse. My highest food allergies are gluten, dairy and eggs. Those of you who know my eating habits know that I live on bread and cheese. While the allergies were not a complete surprise, the extent of them was. As my friend Tina says - now I know and it's my choice whether I eat those things or not.
7 shopping bags of food stuffs sits in my living room to be given to neighbors and friends. It felt good to simplify my kitchen. And as I put away the new groceries I bought, I realized I was looking forward to simplifying the way I eat (at least for awhile).
The cleanse portion of the elimination diet starts tomorrow. While I can't say I'm looking forward to all aspects of a cleanse, I do love the idea that I can be cleansing out the toxins in my body. Taking care of myself in a very basic way. I've been promised I will feel the best I've ever felt. I wonder how it will affect my hormone imbalance? Less of them I hope!
One day at a time. One choice at a time. One change at a time. I was listening to the radio the other day and heard this song:
You are more than the choices that you make.
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You've been remade
-----10th Avenue North
Monday, March 7, 2011
Yoga's Lesson
Disclaimer: A friend and I worked out for two hours on Saturday morning. The second hour was a Yoga class, in which we spent 30 of 60 minutes in downward dog (inverted V with your body). I mean, I was supposed to be in downward dog. At least 20 of 30 minutes was spent in child's pose, trying to regain my breath and telling my muscles - you can do it one more time for a count of 10. Today, I am still incredibly sore; honestly Yoga is one of the best work outs EVER. The instructor told us that the workout releases a lot of toxins that are stored in our muscles. By the way, toxins, when released, make you feel like total crap.
I've avoided blogging for almost a week now. And the reason is I have been swallowing, swimming and breathing in an increasing feeling of shame and failure. I haven't quit smoking (yet). The last meet-up I went to, when I left three hours later, I was physically in pain and ready to throw up from all the stress of meeting and talking to people. A member of my family is in crisis and I am powerless to change the pain that they are experiencing. My job is a toxic place that I feel constantly belittled and micro-managed. And don't even get me started on my weight. Almost every area of my life, when I look at it, seems to reflect failure, which brings shame.
Tonight, after writing in my journal (which is a form of prayer for me), I realized (again) that "failure" is a LIE. I've been listening to the toxic voices - both within myself and outside. I have not been listening to all the amazing people who've taken the time to email and call. The amazing friends who love me NO MATTER WHAT. I am truly surrounded by encouragement. The truth is things are not happening on my time schedule. I have weak "muscles" where I have not exercised. Toxins have built up in the atrophied muscles. As I make choices to move in a different direction, toxins are released. Old behaviors, old feelings, old responses are released. Change is HARD! If it was easy, we would do it much more often.
Oh how I want to quit smoking. I honestly do. But I haven't yet. I'm going to keep exercising this muscle - the "quit smoking muscle."
I am loved. By Jesus, by my family, by my friends and (a little more today) by myself. I am in the process of change. I am making conscious decisions to alter my life. The story is not completed. Thank God for that!
I've avoided blogging for almost a week now. And the reason is I have been swallowing, swimming and breathing in an increasing feeling of shame and failure. I haven't quit smoking (yet). The last meet-up I went to, when I left three hours later, I was physically in pain and ready to throw up from all the stress of meeting and talking to people. A member of my family is in crisis and I am powerless to change the pain that they are experiencing. My job is a toxic place that I feel constantly belittled and micro-managed. And don't even get me started on my weight. Almost every area of my life, when I look at it, seems to reflect failure, which brings shame.
Tonight, after writing in my journal (which is a form of prayer for me), I realized (again) that "failure" is a LIE. I've been listening to the toxic voices - both within myself and outside. I have not been listening to all the amazing people who've taken the time to email and call. The amazing friends who love me NO MATTER WHAT. I am truly surrounded by encouragement. The truth is things are not happening on my time schedule. I have weak "muscles" where I have not exercised. Toxins have built up in the atrophied muscles. As I make choices to move in a different direction, toxins are released. Old behaviors, old feelings, old responses are released. Change is HARD! If it was easy, we would do it much more often.
Oh how I want to quit smoking. I honestly do. But I haven't yet. I'm going to keep exercising this muscle - the "quit smoking muscle."
I am loved. By Jesus, by my family, by my friends and (a little more today) by myself. I am in the process of change. I am making conscious decisions to alter my life. The story is not completed. Thank God for that!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
My Value - Part 2
Today was another tough day but tonight I'm feeling so much better. I did have a couple of real cigarettes today, but less than yesterday. Honestly, it's helping a lot to post every night about how I'm doing. It encourages me to keep going. And the emails of encouragement mean so much. I definitely don't feel alone in this journey.
Personal Value - Part 2. Growing up I learned that my value was determined by what I did or what I believed (which was another form of doing) versus who I was. I was taught this not because my parents were bad people. My parents believed their own value came from what they did. Who they were was not celebrated and they always seemed to be working towards being thought of as valuable. Once this belief is learned and embraced, it's very hard to undo.
Several years ago, I read several books that suggested differently. Then I found an amazing counselor that started teaching me differently. Finally, I began listening to people around me who loved me and saw value in me - not for what I did for them but just by being who I was. What an amazing gift! I had to choose though to believe it - and that part I'm still working on.
What I began to learn and believe to be true is this. That God created each person with intrinsic value. Intrinsic (such a great word) according to wikipedia means: "property which is essential and specific...is wholly independent of any other object, action or consequence". I believe that God creates each human being in His image. How valuable is that? I suppose it depends on how you view God to answer that question. And that is an entirely too big of a topic for this blog post.
Back on topic, what does that mean to me? One thing of intrinsic value that He created in me, that makes me valuable is that I feel things deeply - love, joy, sorrow, grief. I experience life deeply. In the past, I often saw this as a curse. But now, I see it as a gift. I love going deep - deep in relationships, deep in analyzing some computer problem, deep in good book. The saying "It's not personal, it's business" does not apply to me. It's all personal. I invest who I am in what I do.
It's pretty hard to come up with a list of things that are intrinsic to who you are "wholly independent of any action". Knowing who I am apart from what I do; I want to spend more time being and not doing. I'm finding rest for my soul in the "being."
Personal Value - Part 2. Growing up I learned that my value was determined by what I did or what I believed (which was another form of doing) versus who I was. I was taught this not because my parents were bad people. My parents believed their own value came from what they did. Who they were was not celebrated and they always seemed to be working towards being thought of as valuable. Once this belief is learned and embraced, it's very hard to undo.
Several years ago, I read several books that suggested differently. Then I found an amazing counselor that started teaching me differently. Finally, I began listening to people around me who loved me and saw value in me - not for what I did for them but just by being who I was. What an amazing gift! I had to choose though to believe it - and that part I'm still working on.
What I began to learn and believe to be true is this. That God created each person with intrinsic value. Intrinsic (such a great word) according to wikipedia means: "property which is essential and specific...is wholly independent of any other object, action or consequence". I believe that God creates each human being in His image. How valuable is that? I suppose it depends on how you view God to answer that question. And that is an entirely too big of a topic for this blog post.
Back on topic, what does that mean to me? One thing of intrinsic value that He created in me, that makes me valuable is that I feel things deeply - love, joy, sorrow, grief. I experience life deeply. In the past, I often saw this as a curse. But now, I see it as a gift. I love going deep - deep in relationships, deep in analyzing some computer problem, deep in good book. The saying "It's not personal, it's business" does not apply to me. It's all personal. I invest who I am in what I do.
It's pretty hard to come up with a list of things that are intrinsic to who you are "wholly independent of any action". Knowing who I am apart from what I do; I want to spend more time being and not doing. I'm finding rest for my soul in the "being."
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