I'm With You

'Til your heart finds a home
I won't let you feel alone
I'm with you, I'm with you, with you

~I'm With You (Music Inspired by The Story)

The day after my birthday this year, I was in a car heading towards Montana and my last grandparent's funeral.  As you can imagine, it was a stressful time, full of the kind of drama only family brings.  I had recently found this new song I like (I love the whole album) and when it came on in the car, I cried a little for the first time since I had heard the news of grandpa's passing. The melody and words touched my heart in a way that only music can.  They brought comfort and a kind of release. Grief of any kind can be very lonely.  It's a personal thing - how a person grieves, how it feels to each individual.  In the midst of that, how good to remember not one of us is truly alone. 

The song is about the Bible story of Naomi and Ruth.  A mother and daughter-in-law who had lost what they loved most - son and husband.  Naomi decided to return home.  Ruth left her home with Naomi to find her future.  Ruth did not know what lay ahead for her, but she knew who she wanted to walk the road with. 

My future seems to be on my mind a lot lately, shrouded in fog and shadows.  Right now, it looks like once my work contract is over in March, I will be moving on from Amazon.  Things did get considerably better after I wrote last.  I have the full backing of boss, and even his boss.  The conflict with my fellow team members has increased though.  I've been tasked to help people that don't want help.  And no amount of prodding or edicts will change their willingness to work with me.  No matter what the financial gains might be (potentially), I don't want to work in that environment for long. 

Working at Amazon has caused some growth in me and it's exciting to see.  I do take things less personally - less emotionally for sure (smile)!  I am gaining confidence in my abilities, which is helped by a boss who firmly believes in what I do and bring to the table.  My social anxiety has significantly decreased. 

My birthday (which I usually love) passed by this year without the usual personal celebration.  However, the number seems to pop to mind often.  38...38..almost 40..not married...no kids...no house.. no assets.  Sure 38 is just a number, and I actually have earned each one (smile).  38 looks different though when you aren't what you thought you'd be - mainly a wife and a mom. 

Then I remind myself of what I am. I am an amazing friend who has amazing friends.  I am a great Auntie Ria, who is loved dearly by those who call her so.  I am a survivor who continues to face challenges and attempt to grow and change.  I am a daughter; a sister.  I am good at what I do at work and get paid well to do it.  By God's grace, I have overcome fears and continue to face old and new ones that come my way. 

Whose life turns out the way they thought it would?  No one.  Is it better or worse?  Who can say?  I know that I don't see all that's gone before or will happen on the road ahead.  I hear God's voice say "I'm with you".  I hear other voices too - those of you reading saying "I'm with you."  And I say, "I'm with you too."