Fill Her Up

First, I have to thank everyone that commented or encouraged me about my first blog post. I was very encouraged.


I'm in Boston this week for work. I enjoy coming to Boston (seeing co-workers, eating amazing food, walking the city). I've been able to come to Boston several times over the last three years. I have a favorite restaurant (La Dolce Vita), favorite hotel (Radisson on Stuart) and honestly, I'm a mini-celebrity at work - people are really happy to see me.


I didn't want to come to Boston. The main reason is I really enjoy my life in Seattle. It's busy and comfortable. Why leave that, even for a week?


A couple of years ago, I took a Meyers-Briggs personality test through work. One of the most surprising things I learned is that I'm an introvert. Shocker, huh? One of the key qualities of an introvert is that they receive energy from being alone.


Now, I love people. Over the last five years, I've worked very hard at growing as a healthy person and cultivating healthy relationships. I enjoy forming relationships; real, honest, deep. This last year has been amazing for me in terms of relationships. As I've become healthier, my relationships have become healthier (or, sadly, have gone away). Much of the drama and insecurity that used to characterize my closest friendships is gone. I am so thankful for that.


The truth is I've been running on empty for a couple of months because I haven't spent time alone. You might be thinking - how the heck is that true? She lives alone, works out of her house alone, etc. But there is a difference between being alone and being still.


Being still involves having a quiet heart. Quietness is difficult to "do" and does not just "happen." Being still means different things to different people. Being still for me involves journal writing, reading good books that make me think (not romance novels), listening to music without distractions. Being still for me also involves my relationship with God. Spending time with God over a period of time - getting to know each other. Well, He doesn't have to get to know me, but still a relationship involves both parties. I tell Him what's really going on in my life and heart and He tells me who He really is - not just the ideas I have in my head. The best way I do this is to take a long drive, preferably to the ocean, with cell phones turned off.


Between the time difference and being 3000 miles away from the busy and comfortable life I live, I've been forced to be still. I am starting to hear my voice again and to hear God's voice again. It's faint, but it's clearer than it was a week ago.

I realize that I need to fill up on a more regular basis. I'm not much good to anyone else in my life if I stop hearing my own voice and God's voice in my life. Too often my voice just sounds like the latest person asking me for something (a work report, an urgent meeting, advice, encouragement, affection). I believe each person is valuable apart from what they do - just who they are. I think it's very easy to treat every other person in your life as more important than you are. That is not true. You matter equally as much.


Whatever it takes to hear your own voice again, listen for it. Whatever it looks like for you to fill up, do it.