Merry Christmas! I've had a restful quiet day. My heart is happy and at peace. Which isn't the way the day started...
After a restless night of sleep, including a real humdinger of a nightmare, I woke up crying. I really hate that! And I had to decide what I was going to do about it. I prayed (to be able to forgive), smoked a cigarette (quitting for New Years), packed my car and drove to the Oregon coast.
While driving, I sang. Christmas, worship, big band, classical. And I thought about being alone for Christmas.
Several years ago, I made the choice to spend major holidays alone. I decided I would take concentrated time for myself. I listen to music, journal, read. I keep the day electronic-free. I reflect on my life, what's really going on with me, what growth has happened in the last year, how am I growing in my relationships (family, friends, Jesus). I also choose to spend one-on-one time with each family member during the year.
As I drove, I thought of my favorite word for God. Emmanuel - God with us. Jesus, the man who was born over 2000 years ago, claimed to be God. The best description I've heard of His life's message is by Don Miller. Jesus drew a circle around himself and said, "Everyone outside this circle is broken; Marry me." I love that. My dream last night brought a very real pain back to the forefront. I am broken. My heart seems to be irreparably broken from the past. But amidst the brokenness, I know that God is with me. And has been with me throughout my life. Today, I recognized and was so very thankful to not be alone. I believe, whether I feel it or not, that I have never been alone. I see His work through the brokenness. I know that I love more deeply because of the pain. I know I experience deeper joy because of the pain. I know I have more compassion for others who are broken and hurting. These are gifts that God has given, alongside the pain. I'm not sure I could have had one without the other.
I feel incredibly blessed by the family and friends that give me such love all year around. I hope you enjoyed your day - however you chose to spend it!
God is with us
God is for us
Emmanuel
